I have a pretty good life. I am blessed to have a good support system, good opportunities, and good health. However, I lost my dad when I was 27, and during that time I went through a lot of emotions that I didn’t know how to process. Without even me realizing it, I had developed a lot of anxiety. I began feeling unstable and isolated. I felt like I had to hold on to my career at all costs and had to fend for myself. I felt like my husband did not genuinely care for me and I would not be able to rely on him. It wasn’t something he did or didn’t do that caused this belief to solidify in me. I had no idea why my thoughts had turned so cynical and skeptical.

Then due to my own thoughts, my life actually took a downturn and the relationship with my husband completely spiraled. It was to the point that we started living apart. This was a guy who was so in love with me for years that he would do anything for me. He was a good and reliable man. He was the perfect partner. But suddenly everything changed. We would have issues every day, I was crying every day, and eventually, we decided to legally separate. It was my husband’s decision first and then the decision seemed very right in my mind and heart as well.

I tried to mentally prepare myself for this new reality of being single and divorced. Luckily my family really supported me and didn’t make me feel guilty in any way for deciding to separate from my husband. But something inside me made me pray and visualize my husband being a loving partner again, for he had been that for many years. For weeks all his communication was rude, condescending, and even crazy at times. I just could not emotionally get through to him at all. He seemed like a different entity altogether but something inside me kept hoping that his original personality would come back. I could not make sense of what was even happening around me.

It was during this time that I started affirming to myself that I am okay and I feel supported by the Universe. I prayed. I did a lot of self-soothing affirmations, and eventually, I surrendered. I prayed for God to just give me stability emotionally, even if my husband was not by my side. Slowly I grew stronger, happier, and less anxious. I just felt supported by the Universe. While my marriage was collapsing with our families literally discussing practical aspects of how my living arrangements would be post-separation, I still felt calm and unperturbed by the changes I was preparing myself for. My anxiety had disappeared. I could openly talk about my issues and decision with people. I didn’t feel any shame or sadness.

And magically, when my anxiety and worrying thoughts disappeared, my husband’s reactions started changing. His behavior changed completely. He was pursuing the relationship again. He wanted to make it work and he was looking forward to being together again. His efforts made me appreciate and love him again and forgive all the rude behavior.

Today our marriage is a lot more stable but above that, I feel whole by myself and completely confident and in love with myself. With or out without my husband, I feel supported happy, and loved. And having him with me feels really amazing too.

This whole experience has taught me how my own thoughts changed my reality from good to bad and by taking back control of that I could restore the damages and create a good reality again.